Essays

…are you remembered on Mother’s day? Does your family forget? Your husband too? Do you feel anger? Upset? Then I would like you to think a moment about what you can do.

First place did you always remember your mother? Or once in awhile did you forget because you were busy and the day came and went. All of the ads, the decorations, the florist admonitions reminding you failed to make you send that card or make that call.

My husband was a very special human being. Being a pilot in the Air Force took him away from home and he missed birthdays, holidays, special programs the children were in, Christmas and, of course, Mother’s day.

When he returned, he would apologize for forgetting these days but his return was so special and we were so glad to have him home we came to realize that the truly special days in our lives were the days when we were together as a family.

The Saturday mornings when he was home and would put on a record of Sousa’s marches to wake us for the breakfast he was preparing or to hurry us to dress and take us to a new restaurant for breakfast or moving everything to the picnic table in the back yard and we would breakfast there.

Each time he returned was like all the holidays rolled into one as he unpacked his bag and drew forth gifts and mementos from the places he had been. How could one be upset because he had failed to remember us on the actual date of any event?

Once one of our children complained because dad was not there for some event and I said “No, we will not complain. This is the way your father earns our living. He misses us as much as we miss him and I won’t allow you to make him feel bad because his job took him somewhere else.”

When he retired though we expected him to remember our birthdays, our events and the special calendar days that businesses have turned into a successful venture. And for the most part he did.

But sometimes the day would come and go without any acknowledgement. Since we are prompted and geared by the ads, the promises encouraged to make the day profitable; we often ended up with a thought that because he forgot, he didn’t love us.

Now if that is what bugs you, I have a solution. Keep a yearly calendar in a prominent place; ours was on the pantry door. Circle each special day in red and write out why it should be remembered.

A month in advance start talking about the day. Say something like “Oh can you believe Mother’s day is just a month away?” Or “My birthday is just a month away?”

You get the picture? At the dinner table or at breakfast, you say “You know I have been thinking about where I would like to go for Mother’s Day.” Every several days you say “I think I would like to try that new restaurant for Mother’s Day. What do you think about that?”

Then about two weeks before you say “Oh I have been thinking if you want to give me something for Mother’s Day I think I would like….” and here you say what you would like just in case any one would like to give you something for Mother’s Day.

Now when Mother’s Day arrives and the family takes you to the restaurant you mentioned and gives you the gift you suggested, you Must be Surprised and say “How did you know this is what I wanted?” And of course your thanks should be profuse.

And when your family and children act like it was ALL THEIR IDEA you just smile and think Hmm where do I want to dine next year and What would I like to have and Is March too early to begin to mention my ideas??

anna alexander
April 29, 2006©

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